2009 - What Next?

Dan and I began looking into other ways to grow our family.   We both still wanted more kids - but now I will turn 40 and Dan will be 45 this year.  Where did the time go???  Are we nuts to keep trying??

Dr. Strawn thought that a next step for us would be to do IVF again - but this time use an egg donor.  A carefully screened younger woman donates her eggs to us - we use them with Dan's guys instead of my eggs.  We know it's more expensive - but are surprised to learn it's about double of what regular IVF costs.  We decide to look at other options.  I do recall Dr Strawn warning me that timing and costs of adoption may be a shock to us.

We began looking into adoption, either through foster care or an agency.  We meet with counselors, we go to classes, I talk to women who have been through both processes.  We consider adoption where WE FIND a woman ourselves - usually an unplanned teen pregnancy - through advertising and other networking.  I talk to people who have adopted internationally.

We soon discover that Dr. Strawn was correct.  Although cost was very important - timing was right up there considering our age.    The wait time and costs for adoption were incredible - I had no idea how complicated the process was.  AND - if you wanted a domestic caucasion infant - you have to literally win a lottery drawing to even be invited to be in the program.  Once you are in the program you have to be chosen to be the adoptive parents.  Once again - our age would most likely result in a longer wait. 

I talk to women who have adopted through foster care after having her own genetic child.  I learn of some options - but we do not feel comfortable.  We start looking for signs - nothing pointed to the foster care system.  Sometimes I felt guilty about that.  But I was still fighting depression, and my guide continued to be my gut feelings.

In summer 2009 I get a surprise email from an old friend.  We used to work together - and we both have struggled with infertility.  We got married the same year, then took a while to have our first babies - both girls born in 2003.  Then they struggled to get PG again - just like us.  Her email was a link to her own blog - documenting their experience using an egg donor with IVF.  I called her immediately to find out the scoop - I had my sign!!  We made our choice!