OK, OK - I guess I will keep posting! Thank God we have made it to the 2nd trimester - the nausea has faded a ton and I am more energetic. Summer has been a blur - lots of time napping and avoiding the outdoors.
So far everything is going well with the babies - I am 18 weeks along. On Aug 23rd we had an ultrasound in Waukesha to measure growth - and we were able to determine the sex - one of each! This was Nikki's preference - so we are all thrilled!
We see my regular OB or the specialists in Waukesha often - every 2 weeks or so - for regular visits or the special ultrasounds. The cool thing about having twins is that you get to see the babies via ultrasound every visit. There is no other way to differentiate heartbeats.
I have not felt any movement yet - but anyday it should happen!
Tonight I go with Nikki to the hospital for "Big Sister" class - should be fun!!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
11 weeks and counting
It's been a while since I posted! Everything is progressing well - I had my first appt with my OB, and I will go in each month. The cool part is that I get an ultrasound each appt becuase that is the only way to differentiate 2 hearbeats. She wants to do a C-section at 37 weeks - if I go that long. This will be January 13th - so at least I'll still be 41 at that time!
I do admit that the 1st trimester stuff has really knocked me down though. The nausea kicked into high gear at exactly 6 weeks and has not stopped. 2 weeks ago I asked for medicine - so that helps for part of the day. I have energy and ambition in the morning, then by late afternoon I need a nap and start feeling bad again. Laying down actually helps the nausea - so that's what I do - a lot! I am tired of watching TV (reading makes me nauseous - so that's out) - but I am fine with listening to what my body tells me to do. I am surprised at the intensity of symptoms happening so early: I have heartburn, cannot stand the summer heat, I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of my stomach growling, and I grew out of my clothes at 8 weeks. I am fearful of how things may be come 3rd trimester - but no reason to worry about that now!
My sister-in-law, Wendy, has been an absolute SAINT, taking Nikki to play with her cousins so I get more rest. We both noticed that Nik has taken more interest in her younger cousins, Marina and Ellie, who are 4 and 2. She likes to play with them and help them - even carry them around. She is really excited about finally becoming a big sister.
I ended up in the ER last week July 5th after feeling weird, strong pains. I called our insurance nurseline first - and she told me to go in because of the pregnancy being higher risk. Ultimately I think it was a nasty combination of nausea, heartburn, gas, and God knows what else. I now pack a bottle of Maalox in my purse - cant live without it! I got to see another ultrasound - and this time I could see one of the babies' hands almost waving on the screen - very cool!
We stopped the progesterone shots, so that is another huge milestone - no more needles! I also decided to take the summer off of working - which feels both weird and refreshing at the same time. I have pangs of guilt that I should be working - but I can make those go away pretty quickly. My goal is to work during the fall, then be done after Thanksgiving, assuming I can keep up for that long.
I do admit that the 1st trimester stuff has really knocked me down though. The nausea kicked into high gear at exactly 6 weeks and has not stopped. 2 weeks ago I asked for medicine - so that helps for part of the day. I have energy and ambition in the morning, then by late afternoon I need a nap and start feeling bad again. Laying down actually helps the nausea - so that's what I do - a lot! I am tired of watching TV (reading makes me nauseous - so that's out) - but I am fine with listening to what my body tells me to do. I am surprised at the intensity of symptoms happening so early: I have heartburn, cannot stand the summer heat, I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of my stomach growling, and I grew out of my clothes at 8 weeks. I am fearful of how things may be come 3rd trimester - but no reason to worry about that now!
My sister-in-law, Wendy, has been an absolute SAINT, taking Nikki to play with her cousins so I get more rest. We both noticed that Nik has taken more interest in her younger cousins, Marina and Ellie, who are 4 and 2. She likes to play with them and help them - even carry them around. She is really excited about finally becoming a big sister.
I ended up in the ER last week July 5th after feeling weird, strong pains. I called our insurance nurseline first - and she told me to go in because of the pregnancy being higher risk. Ultimately I think it was a nasty combination of nausea, heartburn, gas, and God knows what else. I now pack a bottle of Maalox in my purse - cant live without it! I got to see another ultrasound - and this time I could see one of the babies' hands almost waving on the screen - very cool!
We stopped the progesterone shots, so that is another huge milestone - no more needles! I also decided to take the summer off of working - which feels both weird and refreshing at the same time. I have pangs of guilt that I should be working - but I can make those go away pretty quickly. My goal is to work during the fall, then be done after Thanksgiving, assuming I can keep up for that long.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Two!?!
Twins on the way - coming about mid January 2011! Our ultrasound went great! I could not look at the screen right away - but then the Dr. said right away - there's a heartbeat. Then he shifted gears, looked right at Nikki and asked her to make the diagnosis as he scanned another area. We saw the second baby. I could not believe it! It had been so long since we saw a real heartbeat - its the coolest thing to see on the screen! A 40 week due date is Feb 3 - but we were told to expect them a couple weeks before that. He measured the beats per minute and size of the babies and said everything looked great!
So of course I had to ask "Now what do I do?" The not so great news is I still take the shots through July 8th. The great news is that I can be like a normal pregnant woman and connect with my regular OB/GYN.
So this time we have tears of joy instead of tears of sadness. Some of the nurses waited for us to exit the room. I think I am one of the longest running patients they have. I could not see going through all of these years if we did not have Nikki - there is no way. But we knew the right treatment would work for us - just took a while to find it!
Whew!
So of course I had to ask "Now what do I do?" The not so great news is I still take the shots through July 8th. The great news is that I can be like a normal pregnant woman and connect with my regular OB/GYN.
So this time we have tears of joy instead of tears of sadness. Some of the nurses waited for us to exit the room. I think I am one of the longest running patients they have. I could not see going through all of these years if we did not have Nikki - there is no way. But we knew the right treatment would work for us - just took a while to find it!
Whew!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
A test of patience
I am getting very impatient again waiting for the ultrasound appt on the 17th. I feel good about it considering the increase in the nausea I have had this week. I am grateful to have it because I know that nausea is my body reacting to the pregnancy in a positive way. On the other hand, I am not thrilled that is occurs all day long. I am thankful not to be much of a puker - I never have been. Then again - I have been through enough pain and discomfort that I feel I dont deserve to be throwing up all the time;) I am sucking on lemon drops, drinking gingerale, and scarfing crackers as soon as I feel the nausea wave coming on. Those things have helped so far.
I started spotting last weekend - so called my nurses in a tizzy on Monday. I asked for another blood test for concrete evidence that everything was good. They let me go in - then called at about 4 with the results - all very good. The HcG number would be expected to be about 22,000 on TUESDAY, but as of Monday morning it was over 27,000. Kelly actually said Dan's magic words..."I would not be surprised if there was more than one in there." Since Monday was Dan's birthday - I thought I could share that news - naturally he was more excited about the possibility of twins than I was. I am terrified of it.
Kelly also explained that spotting is common when on progesterone shots - which I do not remember hearing at all. I'm sure they told me - but I have been forgetting so many things lately its been embarrassing. I tell Kelly I promise not to call again unless something more drastic happens.
I started spotting last weekend - so called my nurses in a tizzy on Monday. I asked for another blood test for concrete evidence that everything was good. They let me go in - then called at about 4 with the results - all very good. The HcG number would be expected to be about 22,000 on TUESDAY, but as of Monday morning it was over 27,000. Kelly actually said Dan's magic words..."I would not be surprised if there was more than one in there." Since Monday was Dan's birthday - I thought I could share that news - naturally he was more excited about the possibility of twins than I was. I am terrified of it.
Kelly also explained that spotting is common when on progesterone shots - which I do not remember hearing at all. I'm sure they told me - but I have been forgetting so many things lately its been embarrassing. I tell Kelly I promise not to call again unless something more drastic happens.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Second Blood test results
I got the call early Sunday with the second HcG levels - 701.8 - so more than doubled from 265 - so of course this is great news! Next step in the 7 week ultrasound on June 17 - the next big hurdle!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Positive!!
Great News! I decided to go in for the blood test yesterday because I could not stand waiting longer. I got the call from Kelly (one of the nurses) at about 3:30 - just as I was getting anxious again. I could tell by her voice as soon as I answered the phone.
This is a HUGE hurdle - yet I am still a bit guarded. The blood test measured the HcG hormone, or "the pregnancy hormone" at 265. Anything over 25 is pregnant - so Kelly told me this is a "good, solid result". Naturally I need to get information to show that this pregnancy is for real - so I ask her to look up my measurements fron Oct 2007, when I was PG via my first IVF try. This was the PG with TWO chromosomal defects. She tells me that my first measurement of HcG was 69, and my 2nd measurement was 185. So this time I am scoring much better. I will have my second blood test for this PG tomorrow - or 48 hours after the 1st.
After tomorrow's bloodwork I will be scheduled for the 7 wk ultrasound - which is the next hurdle to get over. If both embryos "took" we may be able to see then. Ultrasounds are the only way to confirm multiples. At this point the idea of having twins at age 42 is not exactly appealing - but I will take it if that is the case! Naturally Dan WANTS twins - I think he's nuts.....
Today we are having Nikki's friends over for a bday party - she is so excited this year! I was not going to do a friend party this year - but she wanted to - and considering how shy she is I wanted to jump at the chance for her to hang out with her buddies. I will update Sunday after I get the blood test results from Saturday.....
This is a HUGE hurdle - yet I am still a bit guarded. The blood test measured the HcG hormone, or "the pregnancy hormone" at 265. Anything over 25 is pregnant - so Kelly told me this is a "good, solid result". Naturally I need to get information to show that this pregnancy is for real - so I ask her to look up my measurements fron Oct 2007, when I was PG via my first IVF try. This was the PG with TWO chromosomal defects. She tells me that my first measurement of HcG was 69, and my 2nd measurement was 185. So this time I am scoring much better. I will have my second blood test for this PG tomorrow - or 48 hours after the 1st.
After tomorrow's bloodwork I will be scheduled for the 7 wk ultrasound - which is the next hurdle to get over. If both embryos "took" we may be able to see then. Ultrasounds are the only way to confirm multiples. At this point the idea of having twins at age 42 is not exactly appealing - but I will take it if that is the case! Naturally Dan WANTS twins - I think he's nuts.....
Today we are having Nikki's friends over for a bday party - she is so excited this year! I was not going to do a friend party this year - but she wanted to - and considering how shy she is I wanted to jump at the chance for her to hang out with her buddies. I will update Sunday after I get the blood test results from Saturday.....
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The Embryo Transfer
On the 18th we had the embryo transfer procedure. I made Dan come along this time for good luck. He came the first time we had IVF. The 5 other times I did not ask him to come.
It is very cool to see the embryos before they put them in, and the embryologist, Mark, describes what qualities he looked for to select the best ones. There were 5 that matured into great quality - so we selected 2. 2 is the maximum.
After all these years I have become very attached to the nurses, and of course I have gotten to know the doctor and even the embryologists. They all seem too excited for my liking. I realize that over all - the chances for success are much higher with donor eggs. So Mark is very excited, and Kelly, the nurse we have know the longest, is practically dancing. They say the rates of success are 60-75%.
Tuesday and Wednesday I kept myself very busy with working at school and other things. Today I feel anxious though. Physical work and running around are the best ways to cope. They say implantation takes place in the few days after the procedure. There is nothing I can do to encourage or discourage it. They encourage mild activity - just nothing heavy duty. Sounds perfect to me!
I am due for the blood-PG test on May 27th. I keep going back and forth about whether I go in that day or wait until after the holiday weekend. I have a feeling it will drive me crazy not to know. Before I was convinced I would want to wait until after Memorial Day. We will see....
It is very cool to see the embryos before they put them in, and the embryologist, Mark, describes what qualities he looked for to select the best ones. There were 5 that matured into great quality - so we selected 2. 2 is the maximum.
After all these years I have become very attached to the nurses, and of course I have gotten to know the doctor and even the embryologists. They all seem too excited for my liking. I realize that over all - the chances for success are much higher with donor eggs. So Mark is very excited, and Kelly, the nurse we have know the longest, is practically dancing. They say the rates of success are 60-75%.
Tuesday and Wednesday I kept myself very busy with working at school and other things. Today I feel anxious though. Physical work and running around are the best ways to cope. They say implantation takes place in the few days after the procedure. There is nothing I can do to encourage or discourage it. They encourage mild activity - just nothing heavy duty. Sounds perfect to me!
I am due for the blood-PG test on May 27th. I keep going back and forth about whether I go in that day or wait until after the holiday weekend. I have a feeling it will drive me crazy not to know. Before I was convinced I would want to wait until after Memorial Day. We will see....
Saturday, May 15, 2010
21, 20, 14...
Yesterday (Friday) we got some totals from the nurses: 21 eggs were retrieved from the donor, 20 of which were mature. 14 of them fertilized - which is very good. The number of eggs retrieved is on the high end of all the donor retrievals done in the last couple of years.
With that many fertilized eggs we wait longer (5 days instead of 3) to do the embryo transfer. Not all fertilized eggs will develop into embryos, and waiting 5 days means more of the "lesser quality" ones will weed themselves out of competition. By day 5 post-fertilization, the embryos will be 16-cell blastocysts, and the embryologists will be able to define the grade of each one with greater accuracy. Each one is graded A, B, C, or D. The A's and B's have a much higher rate of resulting in a pregnancy, so we want more of those. C's and D's have a much lower rate - but you never know. Friends of ours had triplets in 2000 - they had 4 embryos put in becuase their quality was so low that the doctors thought the chances of even one impanting was slim. Needless to say they have 3 healthy daughters who just turned 10.
The nurses are very excited and make comments like "so how many kids do you want?" But I dont let myself react much. We had over a dozen grade A embryos of our own with zero success - so I really hope that this time things will be different.
Today is Nikki's 7th birthday! We are going to soak up the day with her - she is in charge of our plans - so it looks like we will head to the zoo, miniature golf, then fine dining at the Kiltie for burgers and ice cream!
With that many fertilized eggs we wait longer (5 days instead of 3) to do the embryo transfer. Not all fertilized eggs will develop into embryos, and waiting 5 days means more of the "lesser quality" ones will weed themselves out of competition. By day 5 post-fertilization, the embryos will be 16-cell blastocysts, and the embryologists will be able to define the grade of each one with greater accuracy. Each one is graded A, B, C, or D. The A's and B's have a much higher rate of resulting in a pregnancy, so we want more of those. C's and D's have a much lower rate - but you never know. Friends of ours had triplets in 2000 - they had 4 embryos put in becuase their quality was so low that the doctors thought the chances of even one impanting was slim. Needless to say they have 3 healthy daughters who just turned 10.
The nurses are very excited and make comments like "so how many kids do you want?" But I dont let myself react much. We had over a dozen grade A embryos of our own with zero success - so I really hope that this time things will be different.
Today is Nikki's 7th birthday! We are going to soak up the day with her - she is in charge of our plans - so it looks like we will head to the zoo, miniature golf, then fine dining at the Kiltie for burgers and ice cream!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
May 13 - Retrieval Day
Today is the day our donor has her egg retrieval surgery - this is the toughest part of the IVF process. She has been in for ultrasounds every other day (including Mother's Day) to see how her egg follicles are growing, then the doctors adjusted her medications to be sure the existing growing follicles kept growing instead of encouraging new follicles to mature.
(TMI Alert) The surgery is outpatient - she is put under, then the literally use a long needle to go through the vaginal wall and suck out the eggs on each side. Thank goodness for general anesthesia and heavy duty pain meds for afterwards.
So Dan got to use his VIP membership to the "Collection Room" again this morning on the way to work. I guess it's not a bad day when you can start it out with some good porn - right? He informed me that they got some new DVD's since his last visit - but "once you've seen one, you've seen them all." He also was a bit disappointed that they have not upgraded to any 3-D movies yet. I hope we dont see that day! We both hope this is his last trip to the collection room.
I will get a call to see how the surgery went and how many eggs they got. Also they will do the ICSI procedure this afternoon, where they inject a sperm into each of the good eggs and wait til tomorrow to see what magic has happened.
I had to start the progesterone shots yesterday - which is the one that goes into the rear-end with the longer needle. Nikki love to watch Dan jam the needle in - not sure why! Progesterone is the hormone that women need to keep early pregnancy viable. When the placenta develops fully, then it takes over and progesterone is no longer needed. I inject it daily through the first trimester, I forgot til today that it makes my skin red and itchy around the injection site - so I end up scratching my butt all the time - nice visual hey?!?
I am hoping that because everything is happening around Nikki's birthday that it is some sort of good luck - God knows that she is truly a miracle herself. My original due date for her was May 13....
(TMI Alert) The surgery is outpatient - she is put under, then the literally use a long needle to go through the vaginal wall and suck out the eggs on each side. Thank goodness for general anesthesia and heavy duty pain meds for afterwards.
So Dan got to use his VIP membership to the "Collection Room" again this morning on the way to work. I guess it's not a bad day when you can start it out with some good porn - right? He informed me that they got some new DVD's since his last visit - but "once you've seen one, you've seen them all." He also was a bit disappointed that they have not upgraded to any 3-D movies yet. I hope we dont see that day! We both hope this is his last trip to the collection room.
I will get a call to see how the surgery went and how many eggs they got. Also they will do the ICSI procedure this afternoon, where they inject a sperm into each of the good eggs and wait til tomorrow to see what magic has happened.
I had to start the progesterone shots yesterday - which is the one that goes into the rear-end with the longer needle. Nikki love to watch Dan jam the needle in - not sure why! Progesterone is the hormone that women need to keep early pregnancy viable. When the placenta develops fully, then it takes over and progesterone is no longer needed. I inject it daily through the first trimester, I forgot til today that it makes my skin red and itchy around the injection site - so I end up scratching my butt all the time - nice visual hey?!?
I am hoping that because everything is happening around Nikki's birthday that it is some sort of good luck - God knows that she is truly a miracle herself. My original due date for her was May 13....
Monday, May 3, 2010
First Ultrasound
On April 29th I had the first ultrasound - it took only a few minutes, as it was just to check out my uterine lining. We also had some final paperwork to sign to consent to all the upcoming procedures. Turns out our donor also had an ultrasound. They called me to give an update - she has 16-20 follicles maturing - which is great! They want to see 10 - so already I am feeling good about this.
Wish we would have more showings on our house. I really thought we would have much more interest - time will tell!
Wish we would have more showings on our house. I really thought we would have much more interest - time will tell!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
More Payments ;)
I love how the billing center at Froedtert always calls to remind me of what is due at my appointments! On schedule I get the call first thing this morning with the precise totals of what is due to the hospital and the medical college - as if I can forget. No worries - sir VISA will have everything taken care of tomorrow at the ultrasound!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The Stimuation Cycle begins
(TMI Alert) Today my period arrived, which means we begin the Stimulation Cycle of the protocol. I stopped my birth control pills over the weekend, and the Lupron injections continue. The egg donor will start her stimulation medications this week, and I will begin taking Estradiol along with the Lupron to build up the uterine lining. We will both go in for ultrasounds - to monitor her ovaries and how the eggs are maturing. Mine is to review the uterine lining. I will have 2 ultrasounds before the egg retrieval surgery and she will have as many as needed.
One bummer is the "wean from caffiene" process - I am down to 1 cup a day of coffee - next week will be tougher - I will start doing half decaf and cut out soda with caffiene.
I am thankful for the nice weather - I am doing lots of yardwork to keep physically busy. I should be working more but I am not feeling like a sales person lately. I am keeping parties to a minimum and following up with only the customers I need to....
We had one showing of our house last Friday. The feedback was all postive - so we are so happy we did all the staging work on everything!!
Nikki lost her second front tooth yesterday at school - she looks so cute without those 2 front teeth. I made her promise to let us take lots of pictures!!
One bummer is the "wean from caffiene" process - I am down to 1 cup a day of coffee - next week will be tougher - I will start doing half decaf and cut out soda with caffiene.
I am thankful for the nice weather - I am doing lots of yardwork to keep physically busy. I should be working more but I am not feeling like a sales person lately. I am keeping parties to a minimum and following up with only the customers I need to....
We had one showing of our house last Friday. The feedback was all postive - so we are so happy we did all the staging work on everything!!
Nikki lost her second front tooth yesterday at school - she looks so cute without those 2 front teeth. I made her promise to let us take lots of pictures!!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Let needles be my friend again
Last night I did the first shot of Lurpon - actually Dan had to do it. I have never been great at injecting myself..... The needle is very small so I think I can handle it from here on out. Nikki helps by putting the band-aid on after the shot is done. This is truly I family affair! I realize this morning that I don't even know what the Lupron is for - so I call the nurses for what seems like the 100th time. (Honestly - these ladies must also have degrees in counseling - because that is a huge part of what they have been for me.) So the Lupron is doing a couple of things: It is preventing me from ovulating even though I am on birth control pills. Being on Lupron also allows me to "adjust" my cycle to coordinate with the donor's depending on how she reacts to the meds. The goal for me is to take the hormones that build up the lining in the uterus. I also ask her about the nausea I have been experiencing. It can be a result of many things. Theresa tells me to be sure to relax by doing whatever it takes - yoga, walking, whatever.
Nikki lost the first of her 2 front teeth last night. Her reactions surprise me - she gets a little upset about it instead of being excited. She did not want to talk about it til it was bed-time - then found it ok to put it out for the tooth fairy. Well - the tooth fairy overslept and when she came up the stairs Nikki was awake. Darn these old houses with their creaking floors! Well - the tooth fairy was creative - giving Nik a big hug while frantically scanning her arm under the pillow to place the cash and remove the tooth box. We did it!
I am getting the house ready for the realtor to take pictures of it for our listing. This house has never looked so good! I feel good about our chances of selling this year.
Nikki lost the first of her 2 front teeth last night. Her reactions surprise me - she gets a little upset about it instead of being excited. She did not want to talk about it til it was bed-time - then found it ok to put it out for the tooth fairy. Well - the tooth fairy overslept and when she came up the stairs Nikki was awake. Darn these old houses with their creaking floors! Well - the tooth fairy was creative - giving Nik a big hug while frantically scanning her arm under the pillow to place the cash and remove the tooth box. We did it!
I am getting the house ready for the realtor to take pictures of it for our listing. This house has never looked so good! I feel good about our chances of selling this year.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Spring 2010- Update
As of April 15 we are getting closer to the egg donation prodecures and have some estimated dates of everything.
In Feb, March and the first 2 weeks of April we waited for the donor to complete her "work-up" - which is basically the rest of the paperwork and physical exams she required. We began getting our cycles in-sync.
Then the fun really began - We start getting all the calls (read: requests for payment) of her stimulation meds and other things. As I would expect - everything is more expensive than predicted. Example Her BC pills do not come in generic form - so we pay $150 for them Mine on the other hand, are generic and come in at $40. Every step is filled with conversations with the nurses, insurance companies, and reps at several specialty pharmacies across the country. This stuff is not upsetting at all - I find it comical at this point!
Then we had to quickly make another big decision. Our hospital now offered a program that basically is like an insurance plan for success at IVF. A 3rd party company will guarantee that we take home a baby within a certain number of IVF donor cycles. We pay a lot more up front - but in the end - if there is no success - we get most of it back. Since this 3rd party relationship is so new - the process is not quite streamlined. Due to timing deadlines and the fact that we had to wait for a specific quote - we had less than 2 days to decide if we should do it. Ultimately after more research and number crunching we decide to take advantage of the insurance program.
Monday April 19th I begin the injections again. Not looking forward to that part - I am still not a fan of the needles. The donor also begins her stimulation meds, and the egg retrieval surgery will take place a day or 2 after Mother's Day.
We also know that the embryo transfer will take place sometime around May 15 - which happens to be Nikki's 7th birthday...
I have been pretty anxious lately - but at the same time extremely tired. That part frustrates me -but I am taking steps to stay as relaxed as I can, and I am not taking on more than minimal things with working, helping at school, etc. When I 'm tired I dont stress about what did not get done - i just go to bed! Working on our house has been more than enough to keep us busy. We did hire teenage boys to help with a ton of yard work - a HUGE help. Our house has never looked so good - should be on MLS by next week...
After the miracle of another baby, my next wish is for the miracle of a rejeuvenated housing market!
In Feb, March and the first 2 weeks of April we waited for the donor to complete her "work-up" - which is basically the rest of the paperwork and physical exams she required. We began getting our cycles in-sync.
Then the fun really began - We start getting all the calls (read: requests for payment) of her stimulation meds and other things. As I would expect - everything is more expensive than predicted. Example Her BC pills do not come in generic form - so we pay $150 for them Mine on the other hand, are generic and come in at $40. Every step is filled with conversations with the nurses, insurance companies, and reps at several specialty pharmacies across the country. This stuff is not upsetting at all - I find it comical at this point!
Then we had to quickly make another big decision. Our hospital now offered a program that basically is like an insurance plan for success at IVF. A 3rd party company will guarantee that we take home a baby within a certain number of IVF donor cycles. We pay a lot more up front - but in the end - if there is no success - we get most of it back. Since this 3rd party relationship is so new - the process is not quite streamlined. Due to timing deadlines and the fact that we had to wait for a specific quote - we had less than 2 days to decide if we should do it. Ultimately after more research and number crunching we decide to take advantage of the insurance program.
Monday April 19th I begin the injections again. Not looking forward to that part - I am still not a fan of the needles. The donor also begins her stimulation meds, and the egg retrieval surgery will take place a day or 2 after Mother's Day.
We also know that the embryo transfer will take place sometime around May 15 - which happens to be Nikki's 7th birthday...
I have been pretty anxious lately - but at the same time extremely tired. That part frustrates me -but I am taking steps to stay as relaxed as I can, and I am not taking on more than minimal things with working, helping at school, etc. When I 'm tired I dont stress about what did not get done - i just go to bed! Working on our house has been more than enough to keep us busy. We did hire teenage boys to help with a ton of yard work - a HUGE help. Our house has never looked so good - should be on MLS by next week...
After the miracle of another baby, my next wish is for the miracle of a rejeuvenated housing market!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
2010 - We pick the Other Woman
In January 2010 we finally get word that it's our turn to review the list of available egg donors. Although the wait was longer than expected - we used the time to re-do all the testing we needed. Each year we have to be retested for STD's and naturally provide all kinds of body fluids to be sure everything is in working order.
We also lined up another loan so that the money would be available. We learned over the years that as soon as our turn comes - we better be ready with everything. Otherwise we might as well add a few months onto the wait time.
We were excited to see the donor list. Everything is anonymous - so each woman is noted with only an ID. The list includes a survey for each woman. She completes info on medical history, physical characteristics, hobbies, career, religion, ethnicity, and some opened ended questions.
At first it seemed important for the donor to have the same ethnicity and physical appearance as me, but it turns out lots of Milwaukee women with blonde hair and blue eyes have trouble conceiving. Every woman on the list with the blonde/blue combination was already reserved by another couple.
Dan and I each reviewed the list and made our top 3 choices
As I read the profile of each one - the physical stuff became much less important. I wanted to be sure that the donor was under 30 years old, had proven fertility, and listed a caring reason for wanting to be a donor.
Dan's list, on the other hand, consisted of those donors who where about 5' 3" and 110 pounds - Shocking! Forget that I am 5' 6" and have not been 110 pounds since 7th grade....
Naturally, I get my way and we decide on a woman who is 28 years old and has 4 children. Although she had never been an egg donor before - she seems like a baby factory and commented that she genuinely wanted to help another couple.
OK - now what?
We also lined up another loan so that the money would be available. We learned over the years that as soon as our turn comes - we better be ready with everything. Otherwise we might as well add a few months onto the wait time.
We were excited to see the donor list. Everything is anonymous - so each woman is noted with only an ID. The list includes a survey for each woman. She completes info on medical history, physical characteristics, hobbies, career, religion, ethnicity, and some opened ended questions.
At first it seemed important for the donor to have the same ethnicity and physical appearance as me, but it turns out lots of Milwaukee women with blonde hair and blue eyes have trouble conceiving. Every woman on the list with the blonde/blue combination was already reserved by another couple.
Dan and I each reviewed the list and made our top 3 choices
As I read the profile of each one - the physical stuff became much less important. I wanted to be sure that the donor was under 30 years old, had proven fertility, and listed a caring reason for wanting to be a donor.
Dan's list, on the other hand, consisted of those donors who where about 5' 3" and 110 pounds - Shocking! Forget that I am 5' 6" and have not been 110 pounds since 7th grade....
Naturally, I get my way and we decide on a woman who is 28 years old and has 4 children. Although she had never been an egg donor before - she seems like a baby factory and commented that she genuinely wanted to help another couple.
OK - now what?
Saturday, April 10, 2010
2009 - We Begin the Egg Donor Process
In Spring 2009 we decide that trying IVF using an egg donor is our next step. The Reproductive Clinic at Froedtert has an egg donor program. They have a pool of donors that they recruit by advertising. Each woman that applies to be a donor is screened to be sure that she is essentially responsible, serious about it, mentally stable, and not a complete idiot. The donor earns $3,000 for her time and eggs. I feel comfortable about the screening process when the nurses tell me that most of the women that apply to be a donor are rejected for one reason or another.
So the first step for us in the process is for me to have a psychological review to be sure I am "mentally stable" to go through it. At first I think - "Is this some kind of joke? Do you THINK I am mentally stable after years of this roller coaster ride?" They want to be sure you think about success - what will you tell your child about his/her heritage? Will you be prepared to share how he/she came to be? Surprisingly I pass this evaluation with flying colors - he he! Oh yes - that will be another $450 not covered by insurance.
With that out of the way Dan and I are now on the "Waiting List" to have our choice of egg donors. Each couple has exclusive "use" of the donor list for a few days to make their selection - which makes sense. We would not want to fight with another couple over one woman!
BUT - the wait would be about 6 months. So that means I'll be 41 before we can even start. Sigh.
So the first step for us in the process is for me to have a psychological review to be sure I am "mentally stable" to go through it. At first I think - "Is this some kind of joke? Do you THINK I am mentally stable after years of this roller coaster ride?" They want to be sure you think about success - what will you tell your child about his/her heritage? Will you be prepared to share how he/she came to be? Surprisingly I pass this evaluation with flying colors - he he! Oh yes - that will be another $450 not covered by insurance.
With that out of the way Dan and I are now on the "Waiting List" to have our choice of egg donors. Each couple has exclusive "use" of the donor list for a few days to make their selection - which makes sense. We would not want to fight with another couple over one woman!
BUT - the wait would be about 6 months. So that means I'll be 41 before we can even start. Sigh.
Friday, April 9, 2010
2009 - What Next?
Dan and I began looking into other ways to grow our family. We both still wanted more kids - but now I will turn 40 and Dan will be 45 this year. Where did the time go??? Are we nuts to keep trying??
Dr. Strawn thought that a next step for us would be to do IVF again - but this time use an egg donor. A carefully screened younger woman donates her eggs to us - we use them with Dan's guys instead of my eggs. We know it's more expensive - but are surprised to learn it's about double of what regular IVF costs. We decide to look at other options. I do recall Dr Strawn warning me that timing and costs of adoption may be a shock to us.
We began looking into adoption, either through foster care or an agency. We meet with counselors, we go to classes, I talk to women who have been through both processes. We consider adoption where WE FIND a woman ourselves - usually an unplanned teen pregnancy - through advertising and other networking. I talk to people who have adopted internationally.
We soon discover that Dr. Strawn was correct. Although cost was very important - timing was right up there considering our age. The wait time and costs for adoption were incredible - I had no idea how complicated the process was. AND - if you wanted a domestic caucasion infant - you have to literally win a lottery drawing to even be invited to be in the program. Once you are in the program you have to be chosen to be the adoptive parents. Once again - our age would most likely result in a longer wait.
I talk to women who have adopted through foster care after having her own genetic child. I learn of some options - but we do not feel comfortable. We start looking for signs - nothing pointed to the foster care system. Sometimes I felt guilty about that. But I was still fighting depression, and my guide continued to be my gut feelings.
In summer 2009 I get a surprise email from an old friend. We used to work together - and we both have struggled with infertility. We got married the same year, then took a while to have our first babies - both girls born in 2003. Then they struggled to get PG again - just like us. Her email was a link to her own blog - documenting their experience using an egg donor with IVF. I called her immediately to find out the scoop - I had my sign!! We made our choice!
Dr. Strawn thought that a next step for us would be to do IVF again - but this time use an egg donor. A carefully screened younger woman donates her eggs to us - we use them with Dan's guys instead of my eggs. We know it's more expensive - but are surprised to learn it's about double of what regular IVF costs. We decide to look at other options. I do recall Dr Strawn warning me that timing and costs of adoption may be a shock to us.
We began looking into adoption, either through foster care or an agency. We meet with counselors, we go to classes, I talk to women who have been through both processes. We consider adoption where WE FIND a woman ourselves - usually an unplanned teen pregnancy - through advertising and other networking. I talk to people who have adopted internationally.
We soon discover that Dr. Strawn was correct. Although cost was very important - timing was right up there considering our age. The wait time and costs for adoption were incredible - I had no idea how complicated the process was. AND - if you wanted a domestic caucasion infant - you have to literally win a lottery drawing to even be invited to be in the program. Once you are in the program you have to be chosen to be the adoptive parents. Once again - our age would most likely result in a longer wait.
I talk to women who have adopted through foster care after having her own genetic child. I learn of some options - but we do not feel comfortable. We start looking for signs - nothing pointed to the foster care system. Sometimes I felt guilty about that. But I was still fighting depression, and my guide continued to be my gut feelings.
In summer 2009 I get a surprise email from an old friend. We used to work together - and we both have struggled with infertility. We got married the same year, then took a while to have our first babies - both girls born in 2003. Then they struggled to get PG again - just like us. Her email was a link to her own blog - documenting their experience using an egg donor with IVF. I called her immediately to find out the scoop - I had my sign!! We made our choice!
2008 - More research and attempts
In spring 2008 we were at another big point of decision - try IVF again? Move to adoption? Use an egg donor?
Each time I looked at Nikki I realize what I miracle she is. HOW did we conceive her?
We met with a genetic counselor to learn more. Turns out my pregnancy with the 1st IVF cycle had major issues. After I had the D and C procedure - the "remains" were analyzed. Although again there was not a physical baby - they could tell that the pregnancy was female, and that there were TWO chromosomal defects. The defects were such that there was no chance that this pregnancy would progress.
So we could try IVF again and this time to some genetic testing. BUT science could not test for all 23 chromosomes yet. Naturally this would add more cost - about $3,000 to the $13,000 price tag. We decided against genetic testing - but wanted to try another egg retrieval IVF cycle.
Looking back I guess I should have realized that we could make an educated guess that my eggs, although plentiful, where not in good condition. BUT we had Nikki!!!! I felt like a compulsive gambler - we hit the jackpot once - and we wanted it again!
In May 2008 tried another IVF cycle. I produced 22 eggs with over a dozen A and B quality embryos. We were very hopful - but on Father's Day we got the bad news - it did not work.
I was at one of my lowest points ever.
By Dec 2008 we had exhausted all of the remaining frozen embryos. We were done with IVF and needed a break - to say the least.
Each time I looked at Nikki I realize what I miracle she is. HOW did we conceive her?
We met with a genetic counselor to learn more. Turns out my pregnancy with the 1st IVF cycle had major issues. After I had the D and C procedure - the "remains" were analyzed. Although again there was not a physical baby - they could tell that the pregnancy was female, and that there were TWO chromosomal defects. The defects were such that there was no chance that this pregnancy would progress.
So we could try IVF again and this time to some genetic testing. BUT science could not test for all 23 chromosomes yet. Naturally this would add more cost - about $3,000 to the $13,000 price tag. We decided against genetic testing - but wanted to try another egg retrieval IVF cycle.
Looking back I guess I should have realized that we could make an educated guess that my eggs, although plentiful, where not in good condition. BUT we had Nikki!!!! I felt like a compulsive gambler - we hit the jackpot once - and we wanted it again!
In May 2008 tried another IVF cycle. I produced 22 eggs with over a dozen A and B quality embryos. We were very hopful - but on Father's Day we got the bad news - it did not work.
I was at one of my lowest points ever.
By Dec 2008 we had exhausted all of the remaining frozen embryos. We were done with IVF and needed a break - to say the least.
2008 - Frozen cycles
After our first IVE attempt failed - we took off for the 2007 holidays and our Jan 2008 trip to Hawaii. I had earned the Silpada 10-year anniversary incentive trip - and did not want to miss it.
We had many embryos left from our egg retrieval - which were now cryo preserved. We could now attempt a "frozen transfer", where my body is prepped to receive the embryo with hormones. Several are thawed in a special procedure, then they are transfered over via the catheter, and we do the 2 week wait again to take the pregnancy test.
Although we had 15 or so embryos left - they don't always survive the freeze/thaw process, and the chances of a successful pregnancy are slightly less than when you use "Fresh" embryos.
The doctor normally would put in 2 embryos at the most. The stories you hear about sex-tuplets and other big-multiples RARELY occur. Either the doctor is irresponsible (like that of the Octo-mom), or the doctor has reason to expect a very low success rate of pregnancy - so is willing to put in more than 2.
We attempt 2 frozen cycles with no success. ALL of our embryos have been used. They did not all survive the thaw - or the quality degraded so that the chance of success was very low.
We had many embryos left from our egg retrieval - which were now cryo preserved. We could now attempt a "frozen transfer", where my body is prepped to receive the embryo with hormones. Several are thawed in a special procedure, then they are transfered over via the catheter, and we do the 2 week wait again to take the pregnancy test.
Although we had 15 or so embryos left - they don't always survive the freeze/thaw process, and the chances of a successful pregnancy are slightly less than when you use "Fresh" embryos.
The doctor normally would put in 2 embryos at the most. The stories you hear about sex-tuplets and other big-multiples RARELY occur. Either the doctor is irresponsible (like that of the Octo-mom), or the doctor has reason to expect a very low success rate of pregnancy - so is willing to put in more than 2.
We attempt 2 frozen cycles with no success. ALL of our embryos have been used. They did not all survive the thaw - or the quality degraded so that the chance of success was very low.
More heartache
Early November 2007 we had our 1st ultrasound scheduled. It was a Friday afternoon, and Dan and Nikki were with me. We have been doing progesterone shots each day - which continues through the end of the 1st trimester. At that point we would transfer back to my regular OB/GYN doctor and stop the shots.
We told Nikki what she would see on the screen - I am on pins and needles. We head into the exam room and get ready - the ultrasound begins - I am glued to the screen. I dont' see much at first - then I hear Dr Strawn say something about twins - huh?? Then I see the bubble - another empty sack - tears are streaming. Turns out there are 2 empty sacs - I am sobbing at this point of course. I know Dr. Strawn cannot tell me one way or another without more bloodwork to measure the PG hormone levels. He tells me that we should expect to see a heartbeat.
I dont know how Dan keeps it together - maybe for Nikki - I cry all the time now. We walk out to the parking lot.
To make things worse - our plan was to go from our ultrasound to the Froedtert MATERNITY WARD - where Dans' sister had just given birth to her 3rd daughter. I did not want to go at first - but somehow made it through the visit - where we had to share our bad news. Holding someone elses newborn - even my neice - did not help the pain.
We told Nikki what she would see on the screen - I am on pins and needles. We head into the exam room and get ready - the ultrasound begins - I am glued to the screen. I dont' see much at first - then I hear Dr Strawn say something about twins - huh?? Then I see the bubble - another empty sack - tears are streaming. Turns out there are 2 empty sacs - I am sobbing at this point of course. I know Dr. Strawn cannot tell me one way or another without more bloodwork to measure the PG hormone levels. He tells me that we should expect to see a heartbeat.
I dont know how Dan keeps it together - maybe for Nikki - I cry all the time now. We walk out to the parking lot.
To make things worse - our plan was to go from our ultrasound to the Froedtert MATERNITY WARD - where Dans' sister had just given birth to her 3rd daughter. I did not want to go at first - but somehow made it through the visit - where we had to share our bad news. Holding someone elses newborn - even my neice - did not help the pain.
2007 - Positive!
I have to go back to the hospital to give blood for a PG test 2 weeks after the embryo transfer. I take Nikki with me and go to the mall to walk around and distract myself. I get the call from the nurse a couple hours later.
WE ARE PREGNANT!!
I knew it would be positive! I cannot explain the confidence I had - but I expected a good result! I call Dan right away!
I am still guarded however - I have been down this road before - I need to get to the ultrasound. I try to resist looking at baby things - but I cannot help it. I order some maternity clothes from Old Navy online and start planning...... I think that IVF has somehow "weeded out" all the bad eggs and bad sperm - so we should be fine this time.
WE ARE PREGNANT!!
I knew it would be positive! I cannot explain the confidence I had - but I expected a good result! I call Dan right away!
I am still guarded however - I have been down this road before - I need to get to the ultrasound. I try to resist looking at baby things - but I cannot help it. I order some maternity clothes from Old Navy online and start planning...... I think that IVF has somehow "weeded out" all the bad eggs and bad sperm - so we should be fine this time.
2007 - Finally - it happens!
So now its summer 2007 and we have been waiting to start the IVF process for nearly 9 months. I am finally clear of fibroids, our tests are completed, so now we can start! It takes a couple more months to do "prep cycles" to get your body on a schedule. I take birth control pills to do this - funny isn't it?? The only time I take BC pills is when medicine is helping try to conceive.
Dan and I take an injections class with a nurse so that we can learn how to shoot up with the medications needed for ovarian stimulation. The first kind of shot is where I inject into my abdomen - the only time I am grateful to have some inches to pinch! The second kind is the tougher one - where inject progesterone into a muscle - either upper thigh or rear-end! We choose the butt!
So we start those - the first time I have to do it myself I have a Silpada show - and I have to do it at her house becasuse of the time of day we chose. I am in her bathroom counting down "1, 2, 3 - go". I do this many times before I have the guts to push the needle in. I hear women whispering "where is she - is she ok?" in the background.
We get through the stimulation shots in about 10 days. I get dizzy each day and my belly swelled up. I go in every other day for untrasounds to check the maturing egg follicles on my ovaries. They are worried that I am over-stimulating - so they dial back on the meds. I feel weird all day long. Finally we have the egg retrieval sugery - although I am sick and throwing up on the way to the hospital - I have never puked on a freeway median before.
Coming out of surgery I hear congrats - they got 28 eggs - WAY above the average of 10. We are thrilled! I am in amazing pain though - so get some vicadin - which worked like a charm so I could go home to bed. A few days later we are excited to learn that 22 of the eggs fertilized, and we have a total of 9 Grade "A" embros - amazing. Dan and I are convinced we will have twins when they implant 2 of them in early October. It is very cool to see them travel through the catheter and into the uterus - they do an ultrasound during the "embryo transfer" procedure so that you can see everything happening. We even got to see close up pictures of the embryos - at this point 16-cell blastocysts - like a real life science class! We take the picture of our possible children home and post them on the refrigerator as a visual reminder of our goal.
Now the wait begins. 2 Weeks til we take a PG test. To make the wait longer - I am put on bed-rest due to the overstimulation. We get through it though!
Dan and I take an injections class with a nurse so that we can learn how to shoot up with the medications needed for ovarian stimulation. The first kind of shot is where I inject into my abdomen - the only time I am grateful to have some inches to pinch! The second kind is the tougher one - where inject progesterone into a muscle - either upper thigh or rear-end! We choose the butt!
So we start those - the first time I have to do it myself I have a Silpada show - and I have to do it at her house becasuse of the time of day we chose. I am in her bathroom counting down "1, 2, 3 - go". I do this many times before I have the guts to push the needle in. I hear women whispering "where is she - is she ok?" in the background.
We get through the stimulation shots in about 10 days. I get dizzy each day and my belly swelled up. I go in every other day for untrasounds to check the maturing egg follicles on my ovaries. They are worried that I am over-stimulating - so they dial back on the meds. I feel weird all day long. Finally we have the egg retrieval sugery - although I am sick and throwing up on the way to the hospital - I have never puked on a freeway median before.
Coming out of surgery I hear congrats - they got 28 eggs - WAY above the average of 10. We are thrilled! I am in amazing pain though - so get some vicadin - which worked like a charm so I could go home to bed. A few days later we are excited to learn that 22 of the eggs fertilized, and we have a total of 9 Grade "A" embros - amazing. Dan and I are convinced we will have twins when they implant 2 of them in early October. It is very cool to see them travel through the catheter and into the uterus - they do an ultrasound during the "embryo transfer" procedure so that you can see everything happening. We even got to see close up pictures of the embryos - at this point 16-cell blastocysts - like a real life science class! We take the picture of our possible children home and post them on the refrigerator as a visual reminder of our goal.
Now the wait begins. 2 Weeks til we take a PG test. To make the wait longer - I am put on bed-rest due to the overstimulation. We get through it though!
2006-2007 - More Detours
So we decided to take the plunge and move forward with InVitro Fertilization. The process is yet another test in patience. First there are a number of tests Dan and I need to take. We are both tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases - yep that's right!! I get all kinds of hormone levels tested to check my egg reserve and other female stuff. We also sign some legal paperwork documenting our plan for any un-used embryos. If we get pregnant on the first try and there are embryos left - how long do we want to keep them? Do we want to donate them? Lots of things to think about.
TMI alert!
Finally - I get another fun test to be sure the "terrain" of the inside of my uterus is in prime condition for implantation. The doctor injects saline into my uterus so that it expands and he can check out everything inside.
Another fun fact I forgot to mention! Since Froedtert Hospital is a teaching hospital with the Medical College of Wisconsin on-sight, each time I have one of these fun examinations, there is a young medical student with his or her head between my legs - along with Dr. Stawn's of course. Why not? Let's just have a party - the more the merrier!! At this point I rarely use the paper sheet to attempt to cover myself...
So anyway - I get this saline test and am shocked to hear Dr Strawn point out to the medical student that "well this here is a fibroid tumor", which is not good news. So now we are unable to move forward with the IVF until I have surgery to have the fibroid removed. OK fine - so we do that without complications. Now its 3 months later - I have to wait to a certain point in my monthly cycle to have the fun saline injection test again - and GUESS WHAT??? Yep - ANOTHER fibroid on the screen- really?!?!? I would love to type a swear word here - how about this: WTF?!? Another sugery and another few months - what could possibly happen next?
TMI alert!
Finally - I get another fun test to be sure the "terrain" of the inside of my uterus is in prime condition for implantation. The doctor injects saline into my uterus so that it expands and he can check out everything inside.
Another fun fact I forgot to mention! Since Froedtert Hospital is a teaching hospital with the Medical College of Wisconsin on-sight, each time I have one of these fun examinations, there is a young medical student with his or her head between my legs - along with Dr. Stawn's of course. Why not? Let's just have a party - the more the merrier!! At this point I rarely use the paper sheet to attempt to cover myself...
So anyway - I get this saline test and am shocked to hear Dr Strawn point out to the medical student that "well this here is a fibroid tumor", which is not good news. So now we are unable to move forward with the IVF until I have surgery to have the fibroid removed. OK fine - so we do that without complications. Now its 3 months later - I have to wait to a certain point in my monthly cycle to have the fun saline injection test again - and GUESS WHAT??? Yep - ANOTHER fibroid on the screen- really?!?!? I would love to type a swear word here - how about this: WTF?!? Another sugery and another few months - what could possibly happen next?
Thursday, April 8, 2010
2006-2007- Let's try IVF
By late 2006 Dr. Strawn recommended that In-Vitro Fertilization or IVF, was the best next step for us.
We agreed. By this point - we learned that being pro-active was one of the most important pieces of handling any health situation. Doctors are experts in their field, but they are not an expert in YOU and your body and your experiences and your questions. All throughout the years we never accepted advice without asking lots of questions and exploring our options. We wanted as much education as possible.
IVF is the process in history referred as "Test-Tube" baby. What happens is, my ovaries would be stimulated with special ( and very expensive) medication so that they would let many eggs mature at the same time. Then I have surgery where the doctor removes as many mature eggs as he can find. The same day as the surgery - called the "egg retrieval" - Dan gets to make yet another trip to the "collection room" and provide a sample of only his best swimmers. Then, the swimmers and eggs party in a petri dish and hopefully get along so that we have a bunch of fertilized eggs - called embryos. Actually we did the process where a sperm is injected into each egg. Maybe Dan's guys had no sense of direction and did not know what to do??? Then - hoping you get some embryos - they live in the petri dish for either 3 or 5 days while the specialists see how well they can divide. The ones that survive are given a rating - the best are called "A", the ones that try hard are called "B", then C, then D. The Embryologist will select 2 of the top quality embryos that are put back into my uterus via a catheter. Then you wait 2 weeks and take a pregnancy test.
This is a lot to consider - they make you take a class and clearly explain the costs before you commit. It is a big and very personal decision.
We were convinced that IVF would work for us. If we didn't already have a child - who knows if we would have gone this far. I KNEW it would work - I rarely have that much confidence - but I had a gut feeling.
We agreed. By this point - we learned that being pro-active was one of the most important pieces of handling any health situation. Doctors are experts in their field, but they are not an expert in YOU and your body and your experiences and your questions. All throughout the years we never accepted advice without asking lots of questions and exploring our options. We wanted as much education as possible.
IVF is the process in history referred as "Test-Tube" baby. What happens is, my ovaries would be stimulated with special ( and very expensive) medication so that they would let many eggs mature at the same time. Then I have surgery where the doctor removes as many mature eggs as he can find. The same day as the surgery - called the "egg retrieval" - Dan gets to make yet another trip to the "collection room" and provide a sample of only his best swimmers. Then, the swimmers and eggs party in a petri dish and hopefully get along so that we have a bunch of fertilized eggs - called embryos. Actually we did the process where a sperm is injected into each egg. Maybe Dan's guys had no sense of direction and did not know what to do??? Then - hoping you get some embryos - they live in the petri dish for either 3 or 5 days while the specialists see how well they can divide. The ones that survive are given a rating - the best are called "A", the ones that try hard are called "B", then C, then D. The Embryologist will select 2 of the top quality embryos that are put back into my uterus via a catheter. Then you wait 2 weeks and take a pregnancy test.
This is a lot to consider - they make you take a class and clearly explain the costs before you commit. It is a big and very personal decision.
We were convinced that IVF would work for us. If we didn't already have a child - who knows if we would have gone this far. I KNEW it would work - I rarely have that much confidence - but I had a gut feeling.
2006-2007 - More Female Fun
Somewhere in the middle of all the fun I received unpleasant news about my PAP smear - which is the annual test women need to check for cervical cancer. There were abnormal cells - so I would need to have them scraped away. Sound like fun? Yet another trip in the stirrups with something else put inside "you know where". Another "twinge" and more "slight cramping". I feel like I could walk around any medical office naked from the waist down and not even care......
Oh, but there's more. The "scraping" did not get everything - so I got to have what is called a LEEP procedure. I go in and get into the stirrups again, only this time the nurse attaches something to my leg. When I ask what it is - she says "that is to ground you." Because the LEEP procedure is when the doctor uses ELECTRICAL CURRENT to zap away at the bad cells on the cervix. Really? I am crying as this goes on - I can smell burning and seem to feel it all.
By 2006 I also realized that everything was taking a toll. I was crying for no reason, sleeping a lot during the day, and losing interest in things I enjoyed - working out, spending time with friends, and my Silpada business. It took me a while to realize that I needed help - I thought there was something wrong with me. I was diagnosed with mild depression and enxiety. I started some therapy and started on Zoloft.
Oh, but there's more. The "scraping" did not get everything - so I got to have what is called a LEEP procedure. I go in and get into the stirrups again, only this time the nurse attaches something to my leg. When I ask what it is - she says "that is to ground you." Because the LEEP procedure is when the doctor uses ELECTRICAL CURRENT to zap away at the bad cells on the cervix. Really? I am crying as this goes on - I can smell burning and seem to feel it all.
By 2006 I also realized that everything was taking a toll. I was crying for no reason, sleeping a lot during the day, and losing interest in things I enjoyed - working out, spending time with friends, and my Silpada business. It took me a while to realize that I needed help - I thought there was something wrong with me. I was diagnosed with mild depression and enxiety. I started some therapy and started on Zoloft.
2006-2007 Our friends at Froedtert
In 2006 I became a patient at the Reproductive Medicine Clinic at Froedtert Hospital and the Medical College of Wisconsin after finding that I had a blocked fallopian tube. At my "advanced maternal age", surgery to attempt to clear the blockage is not a good choice.
Now at age 37, I may be able to get pregnant naturally - but half the time it's impossible with a blocked tube. Add the fact that my cycles tend to be on the longer side (33 days or so), and I probably max out at 5 chances a year to get pregnant without medical treatment.
So Dr. Strawn recommends Artifical Insemination. At Froedtert they seemed much more professional then the clinic I had attended before Nikki was born. I feel more comfortable with the methods and procedures they use.
Dollars and cents: Fertility treatment is not covered by insurance in Wisconsin. Artificial Insemination is about $3,000 each time. We are fortunate that we have the resources to get loans and have the option of trying any treatment. I am frustrated when I start a cycle, take some drugs, and fork over $500 for an ultrasound only to be told: "You are ovulating on the side with the blocked tube - so we'll have to stop here and try again next month."
In a nutshell - we did 3 more insemination cycles over a period of about 7 months with zero success.
Now at age 37, I may be able to get pregnant naturally - but half the time it's impossible with a blocked tube. Add the fact that my cycles tend to be on the longer side (33 days or so), and I probably max out at 5 chances a year to get pregnant without medical treatment.
So Dr. Strawn recommends Artifical Insemination. At Froedtert they seemed much more professional then the clinic I had attended before Nikki was born. I feel more comfortable with the methods and procedures they use.
Dollars and cents: Fertility treatment is not covered by insurance in Wisconsin. Artificial Insemination is about $3,000 each time. We are fortunate that we have the resources to get loans and have the option of trying any treatment. I am frustrated when I start a cycle, take some drugs, and fork over $500 for an ultrasound only to be told: "You are ovulating on the side with the blocked tube - so we'll have to stop here and try again next month."
In a nutshell - we did 3 more insemination cycles over a period of about 7 months with zero success.
2005 - The games begin again
By the time Nikki turned a year old in 2004, we were ready to think about another baby. I never went back on birth control after she was born. And since she was conceived without medical treatment, I thought "the pipes were cleared" and we would soon be pregnant again.
Before we knew it Nikki was 2, then another summer had passed, and it was late 2005. My OB suggested at my age (36), it was time to start testing for problems again.
Dan got to go first by providing another sample (I'm sure by now he could hit the cup with his eyes closed). No problems there. Then I get to go through the not-so-funny tests: Lots of bloodwork: check thyroid, check egg reserve by measuring a hormone at various days of my cycle, and check other female hormone levels. Everything ok there
(TMI alert here)
Next up the really icky test - the one to see if your fallopian tubes are blocked. I went to the hospital to have a piece of metal clamped onto my cervix while dye is injected into my uterus and pushed out of the fallopian tubes. Hopefully it spills out of the end of the tubes. That means they are clear. We found that one of my tubes was completely blocked. They dont know how or when it happened.
Oh yes - this same year I also started having mammograms. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer (stage zero-thank God). She went through surgeries, radiation, and finally reconstruction and a clean bill of health. Based on her age and history - they wanted me to start before turning 40. They found a mass on the first shot - so off to have an ultrasound. Luckily it was only a cyst - but now I had to come back every 6 months to have that checked. Put it on the calendar with everything else......
Before we knew it Nikki was 2, then another summer had passed, and it was late 2005. My OB suggested at my age (36), it was time to start testing for problems again.
Dan got to go first by providing another sample (I'm sure by now he could hit the cup with his eyes closed). No problems there. Then I get to go through the not-so-funny tests: Lots of bloodwork: check thyroid, check egg reserve by measuring a hormone at various days of my cycle, and check other female hormone levels. Everything ok there
(TMI alert here)
Next up the really icky test - the one to see if your fallopian tubes are blocked. I went to the hospital to have a piece of metal clamped onto my cervix while dye is injected into my uterus and pushed out of the fallopian tubes. Hopefully it spills out of the end of the tubes. That means they are clear. We found that one of my tubes was completely blocked. They dont know how or when it happened.
Oh yes - this same year I also started having mammograms. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer (stage zero-thank God). She went through surgeries, radiation, and finally reconstruction and a clean bill of health. Based on her age and history - they wanted me to start before turning 40. They found a mass on the first shot - so off to have an ultrasound. Luckily it was only a cyst - but now I had to come back every 6 months to have that checked. Put it on the calendar with everything else......
2003 - Nikki arrives
We were so excited that this pregnancy was going well. We made the 1st ultrasound to see the heartbeat - check, made it to the end of the 1st trimester with only a little sickness - check, and found out the sex of our baby right before Christmas - a girl!
On May 15, 2003 Nicole Mary was born - she was perfect! The wait was over 3 years - but so worth it! We had so much fun with her! She was a good baby - and I dont remember a whole lot of sleep deprivation. Most nights maxed at 5 hours total - but I think I was "high on life" during her 1st year. It was tough of course - but I didn't care.
I was convinced our next baby would come with ease.
On May 15, 2003 Nicole Mary was born - she was perfect! The wait was over 3 years - but so worth it! We had so much fun with her! She was a good baby - and I dont remember a whole lot of sleep deprivation. Most nights maxed at 5 hours total - but I think I was "high on life" during her 1st year. It was tough of course - but I didn't care.
I was convinced our next baby would come with ease.
2002-Summer on the Lake and a miracle.
We enjoyed our first summer living on Okauchee Lake. Our 3rd Insemination attempt failed in June - and we decided to take a treatment break. About every 6 months I would change my feelings about medical science. Did we want to go further, or should I try harder to get to know my own body and take a more holistic approach?
In September my period came a little early - but only lasted 2 days. That was weird. A week later I casually thought about taking another PG test - but decided against it. Labor Day weekend was coming, and we were having friends over. I did not want to see another negative sign.
The next week I had to do it - take another test. I only remember the date because it was the 1st anniversary of the Sept 11, 2001 attacks. I woke up, took my "stick" to the bathroom, and was shocked to see a POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!
Naturally we were crazy happy - but I was still guarded. Anyone who's lost a pregnancy knows the next milestone is to see the heartbeat. We shared our news with family and close friends only.
In September my period came a little early - but only lasted 2 days. That was weird. A week later I casually thought about taking another PG test - but decided against it. Labor Day weekend was coming, and we were having friends over. I did not want to see another negative sign.
The next week I had to do it - take another test. I only remember the date because it was the 1st anniversary of the Sept 11, 2001 attacks. I woke up, took my "stick" to the bathroom, and was shocked to see a POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!
Naturally we were crazy happy - but I was still guarded. Anyone who's lost a pregnancy knows the next milestone is to see the heartbeat. We shared our news with family and close friends only.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Things not to say to fertility-challenged couples
(Note: This post is purely for theraputic reasons! Venting is quite soothing for me!) In 2002 as we were on our third insemination attempt, I started to notice a theme of comments people made. Sometimes they were close to us, sometimes not. One of my least favorite 4-letter words now is "Just". People would ask if we were PG - we had nothing to report of course. At times the advice would come spewing forth without any thought. And this golden advice seemed to always start with the word "Just". Just adopt, Just stop thinking about it and it will happen, and by far the most dreaded comment of all "Just relax - you'll never get pregnant if you're stressed out." Almost always - this one came from women who could spit out babies by merely thinking she wanted one. Of course none of this advice was meant to be malicious - but to any woman who thinks her body might be failing her - these words almost implied that it was MY fault, and the solution was SO SIMPLE that the word "Just" would fix everything in a snap. Even as I type this I feel my breathing becoming shallow....... So as time went on, I learned to reply with a smile - "Gee - I never thought of that before."
So honestly - the best things to say is to simply ask how it's going? Do you want to talk about it? Tell me what the treatment is like. Listen - don't advise.
So honestly - the best things to say is to simply ask how it's going? Do you want to talk about it? Tell me what the treatment is like. Listen - don't advise.
2002- A New Focus
In 2002 I started to think we may not be able to have a baby. It was frustrating to wait for results month after month. We needed to focus our attentions elsewhere to keep busy. Work was enough - but I personally realized that I was not crazy about being in the IT industry anymore. I tried various roles hoping I would find the passion and drive. I WANTED to be a mother - but so far I could not do that. Dan had always dreamed about living on a lake - so he insisted we get a change of scenery and find a house on a lake. After months of searching we found a place on Okauchee Lake in our price range. It was in need of serious updating - but we liked it. In Dec 2001 we made an offer and were surprised that it was accepted! We kept our house in Wauwatosa and each weekend drove to Oconomowoc to work on our new project. We ripped out carpeting, paneling, and miles of wallpaper. The list went on and on - we even became VIP customers at Home Depot and Sherwin Williams. In May 2002 we sold our house and officially moved to our new place. We had lots of ideas and kept working to make it our own. It felt good to focus on something else.
2001-2002 First Treatments
The day I had the D and C, I my doctor and others asked if we wanted to have a service for this lost baby. Everyone was very kind...but I did not want a service - there was no baby because the development stopped so early. We did not have a service. Losing a pregnancy was very humbling. We just wanted to move on.
In the days after, I was shocked at how many people called me to reveal to me their own stories of pregnancy loss.
A couple months later we (I mean I) was back to charting temps and tracking other body changes. One challenge we had from the beginning is that Dan was an IT consultant, and he was away from home 5 days a week. Many times he was not around when the "right time" hit. Several times I did contemplate jumping on a plane for the day.....
We did some basic testing and drug therapy - but no success there
By late 2001 we decided to try artificial insemination, where my cycle is timed so that the doctor knows when I should ovulate. Then Dan produces a "sample" in a cup at home, then I would drive to the clinic with the little jar shoved in my pants to keep the little guys warm. Isn't that sweet? The clinic does a process called "sperm washing" to separate the fast swimmers from the morons. The fast swimmers are then coddled and stored in a catheter. I get to take another ride in the stirrups and have them put inside. The layman's term for for Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) is "The turkey baster", becuase that is pretty much what it is. So after they give the "boys" a head start toward the egg - I sit there for 20 minutes then go about my day. Two weeks later you go in for a pregnancy blood test, where they would tell me the result was negative. We did this process 3 times with zero success. Needless to say things were getting frustrating. It was now 2002, and we had been trying to have a baby for over 2 years.
In the days after, I was shocked at how many people called me to reveal to me their own stories of pregnancy loss.
A couple months later we (I mean I) was back to charting temps and tracking other body changes. One challenge we had from the beginning is that Dan was an IT consultant, and he was away from home 5 days a week. Many times he was not around when the "right time" hit. Several times I did contemplate jumping on a plane for the day.....
We did some basic testing and drug therapy - but no success there
By late 2001 we decided to try artificial insemination, where my cycle is timed so that the doctor knows when I should ovulate. Then Dan produces a "sample" in a cup at home, then I would drive to the clinic with the little jar shoved in my pants to keep the little guys warm. Isn't that sweet? The clinic does a process called "sperm washing" to separate the fast swimmers from the morons. The fast swimmers are then coddled and stored in a catheter. I get to take another ride in the stirrups and have them put inside. The layman's term for for Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) is "The turkey baster", becuase that is pretty much what it is. So after they give the "boys" a head start toward the egg - I sit there for 20 minutes then go about my day. Two weeks later you go in for a pregnancy blood test, where they would tell me the result was negative. We did this process 3 times with zero success. Needless to say things were getting frustrating. It was now 2002, and we had been trying to have a baby for over 2 years.
Monday, March 29, 2010
The First Heartache
In March 2001 we were pregnant with our first child - We could not believe it! I went right to the bookstore and bought the Pregnancy Week by Week book. The 7 week ultrasound appointment was coming up. On that day I felt special sitting in the waiting room. I never had any kind of ultrasound before. As I laid down for the procedure I was so excited - what would I be able to see? The tech started scanning and reviewing the image on the screen, she was quiet. I could see what looked like a bubble - but nothing else. She tried to get other angles, but then excused herself for a minute. She returned with another person - perhaps an MD but I dont know. He repeated her process and both remained quiet. I dont remember what they told me. I left and waited for my OB to call me. I thought there was supposed to be a heartbeat at this point.... When I arrived home my mom came to deliver flowers. They were beautiful - but I was not happy. The next 10 days or so are a blur. The ultrasound showed an amniotic sac - but nothing else. Dr Balfour wanted me to take blood tests to monitor my prenancy hormone level. They went down instead of rapidly increasing. After several tests and another ultrasound it was determined that I had a "blighted ovum", which is a fertilized egg that attaches itself to the uterus and forms the sac - but no embryo. So we made an appointment for me to have a D and C surgery instead of waiting for the the miscarriage to happen. After I received the official call at work I went to the bathroom and cried.
The Honeymoon Years
We started marriage with a house and a puppy - so we were already having fun! As planned I stopped using birth control after our honeymoon, but I was not specifically tracking anything. Months passed, then a year. Still - I was not very concerned - but my OB doctor said at age 32 I should probably see a fertility specialist. Call right away as they are booked months out. By this time I reluctantly started the process of tracking my body temperature each morning before getting out of bed to try to predict ovulation. I got a book to help me look for other signs and bought the predictor kits at Walgreens. So in early 2001 I called to make the appointment with the specialist. We went on with life - work, friends, working on the house. Then in March I realized it had been more than 38 days since my last period. Then it was 40, then 44. So I bought a PG test and tried it the next morning. Although it's supposed to take a couple minutes for the results to be seen - I noticed it was positive within seconds of peeing on it. I set it down and came back to check it out after 2 minutes - still positive. Time to celebrate!
1999-The Beginning
When Dan and I got married in 1999, I remember a conversation we had a few months before our BIG Day. He wanted to start a family right away, so why don't I go off birth control pills before the wedding? Naturally I thought the idea was absurd! Going off birth control after years of using the same method had way too many risks - the moodiness, the inevitable skin breakouts, and of course the possibility of my "monthly visitor" arriving during the honeymoon. If you think about it -he had much more to lose than I did - so I was easily able to convince him that birth control should remain with us until after our wedding.....
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